kaleidoscope
by nouveaulove
Summary: 'there's no way to tell them that the realest he has ever felt was within her presence, so he just keeps silent.' bethyl, two-shot. au post 4x16.


Author's note: This was written last May and has been sitting on my desktop because I wasn't sure if I was going to post it but after Coda I need every fluffy Bethyl fic I can get my hands on. Since this was written before it aired, the story completely ignores Season 5 of The Walking Dead (which is probably what I'll be doing for the rest of my life).

Nothing belongs to me and I sincerely hope you enjoy. :)

* * *

><p><strong>Kaleidoscope<strong>

_Part I_

* * *

><p>He dreams of his mother.<p>

He is young, watching her. She is barefoot in the kitchen, swaying to the sounds coming through the radio. Her head is tilted back, eyes closed; glass in one hand and a lit _Virginia Slim_ in the other. She opens her eyes, notices him and smiles, her gaze unfocused. The sun is bright through the window and it reflects in her lank hair.

"C'mere, Daryl. Come'n dance with Mama."

She holds out her arms, lifts him up and tucks his small body close to hers. She swings them around, twirling in the small kitchen with dirty dishes in the sink and an open bag of _Wonder Bread_ on the counter, to the voice of Patsy Cline and the clinking of ice in the glass.

The scene shifts and it's night, the only light in the room coming from the TV. His mother sits in front of it, the flickering of the screen ghosting across her face. She's crying. A laugh track plays on the television. There are bruises on her face.

He stands in the doorway, unseen.

Suddenly, he isn't looking at his mother but Beth instead, crying over a dusty bottle of peach schnapps at a bar littered with trash and broken glass while he throws darts at rich men's faces. She's barely catching her breath and he feels like a child again, unable to do anything but watch.

But he isn't a child.

He smashes the bottle to the ground.

There are just flashes after that. The sight of Beth holding his crossbow. The feel of her fingers in-between his. The sound of her voice and old piano keys. The way she smiled at him, as if he was somehow worthy of it.

Then there is the screech of car tires and he's calling her name, running, running, running, and helpless as before.

He wakes with a jerk.

He is alone.

* * *

><p>Daryl's been around men like this before.<p>

Grew up around guys like Len and Joe, knows how to survive them. He knows to shut down, stay quiet; keep his thoughts to himself. It's natural, learned from a childhood spent under his father's belt and years of drifting with Merle.

He keeps his trap shut and listens to Joe talk about 'men like us' while wondering when he started thinking of himself as different from men like the ones he was with. The men he was raised by. Questioning when this gap between who he had been and who _he is_ had started. He thinks of a cabin wreathed in flame and moonshine on his breath.

He thinks of her voice and wonders when he started thinking that sweet words and soft smiles were something meant for him?

* * *

><p>He is leaning up against the beat up SUV, Rick at his side, his lip busted and a sharp pain in his ribs with every breath he takes.<p>

A part of him feels more settled than it has since the prison fell, having Rick and Carl and Michonne back, having this piece of _himself_ back. The man beside him calls him his brother and Daryl feels fragile warmth spread in his chest at the words. Rick is a man he has deemed worthy and Daryl will follow him gladly.

Yet whatever beauty can be found in the moment feels tainted because he also feels Beth's absence more heavily than he has in weeks. She'd been the one who believed, the one with faith that others had survived, that they weren't alone in this god-forsaken world. She was the one who deserved to be there.

There had been a moment, when Rick had asked if Beth was dead, that Daryl thinks of saying yes. But there's a chance, a slim one, that she's out there, alive. He owes it to her to have a little faith so he just says she's gone and his heart clenches at the words because he isn't sure they are any better.

_You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon._

He does.

* * *

><p>They find so many of their group trapped inside of the metal box.<p>

They are exhausted and hungry and there is a good chance they are going to be dead by nightfall but they are together at the very least.

Daryl slumps back against the rusted steel, taking in the picture inside the train car. He spots Maggie, standing beside Glenn, as they speak with Rick. He will have to tell her, let her know about Beth. Just the thought of the words alone threatens to choke him.

He leans his head back against the metal, closes his eyes and tries to settle the world for just a moment.

But he hasn't felt anything close to peace since he was lying in a silk lined coffin with Beth singing songs he didn't know the words to.

_We can't be the only survivors_.

Beth's words echo in his head. He'd wanted to call her a fool, yell her until she understood that the others were gone and they were alone and no amount of hoping or praying was going to change that.

Turns out, he had been the fool.

* * *

><p>They managed to escape Terminus but not without losses.<p>

What starts in stealth ends in fighting and fire and bloodshed and Daryl nearly takes a bolt himself just to get the Horton back. Bob is lost and there is little celebrating in the group even as they have narrowly avoided death once more.

The true shock is whom they run into as they escape, in their small camp in the woods just outside Terminus, Carol and Tyreese and a small bundle wearing bright, polka-dotted footie pajamas.

Judith.

It was one of the few names never spoken between Beth and him, either in anger or in hope. There are some fears too horrific to even risk putting them into words.

They don't stop running until they're deep with in the woods. Miles away from the hell they've just escaped. They stop in a clearing. Carol and Tyreese have a water canteen and everyone takes a turn drinking from it. They need to find food and shelter but mostly a source of water.

Daryl lets himself survey the group, taking in the state of everyone. Tyreese and Sasha are embracing, bodies held close, tears wetting each other's clothes. Sasha punches Tyreese's arm, saying something that makes him laugh but hold her closer. Daryl catches Maggie watching them with a sad smile and knows she's thinking of Beth, same as him.

Rick is holding Judith, with Carl leaning in, another touching family moment, one that feels so intimate that it feels like an intrusion to watch and he looks away.

Continuing scanning, Daryl meets Carol's eyes from her seat on a low, flat rock. There aren't words for how he feels to see the woman who first saw something in him, something beyond the broken boy he had been. There's still turmoil in him over what she did to Karen and David but he's too tired to muster up any anger. He steps in close, clasping a hand on her shoulder, hoping to convey his gratitude that she's alive without speaking words he'll surely fumble. Carol leans her cheek against the back of his hand, smiling up at him, clearly exhausted but happy to see him as well.

They can't rest for long, needing to keep moving on as it was already getting onto midday. Daryl turns his back to the group, taking in the woods and thinking of which way they should head.

He thinks of Beth too, of how she should have been there. Of how she should be hugging Maggie and holding Judith and smiling those soft smiles that made him feel like the world couldn't have gone completely to shit to for her to be in it.

He has his family back, more of it than he'd ever dreamed of. But there's a piece missing, one he had lost, and Daryl isn't sure if he can ever be whole again without it.

* * *

><p>Ford wants to move on, to get to DC, but winter is settling in and being on the road during it is the worst thing they could do. They manage to get a little further north before it gets too cold and they settle into a large brick house, which had been an orphanage back before the dead had taken the world. It's not much, but it's a ways from the road and has it's own well system. They have to scavenge for almost everything, but it's only temporary anyway.<p>

It's deep into winter before Glenn and Daryl have to make a run south, having picked all the nearby towns clean and already explored north. They haven't been this far south since Terminus, not willing to risk it, but supplies are running low.

Glenn and he make their way from town to town in the midsize sedan, picking up whatever they can as the go. They've managed to get some clothes and blankets but food is still running low. They luck out when they find a couple economy-sized bags of beans and rice.

Spotting a Wal-Mart off the road, they plan to quickly check it out before heading on back to the orphanage. They've been gone three days and Daryl knows Glenn is eager to get back to Maggie. Once inside, Glenn breaks off to check the pharmacy while Daryl made his way back to the canned food isle.

The store was silent as Daryl padded through it. There had only been two walkers out in the parking lot and they had easily dispatched them. It seemed a little too simple to Daryl, that there weren't more walkers in the store made him wonder if there were others, living others, that had been using this store. Already on edge with that thought, when he hears shuffling a few isles up, Daryl doesn't hesitant to raise his crossbow, bolt already in the chamber. However nothing can prepare him for what he finds as he peeks around the isle divider.

A slim girl of average height with a ponytail, thick and blonde, with a small perfectly done braid off to one side of it.

Daryl freezes, relaxing his finger off the trigger of the crossbow.

"Beth?" He questions, so quietly that he isn't sure if he's actually spoken or just thought it.

Still, she must hear him because her shoulders tighten and she moves to turn. Daryl feels dread creep over him. Because this can't be her, it can't really be Beth. Life wouldn't be kind enough to give him back what he had lost.

But she turns and it is Beth, alive with flushed cheeks. Daryl's lungs tighten and he refuses to breathe, refuses to even take a chance at shattering this moment.

She's in front of him and while he hasn't forgotten for one moment what she looks like, the sight of her hits him like a physical blow. For so long he's only had the thought of her, the memory of her face, the phantom feel of her presence, that having her alive and standing mere feet away from him is potent and overpowering. She's staring at him with her blue eyes wide, as if she can't really believe he is here.

Daryl has no words to put to the feeling he gets as he looks at the girl in front of him but it is unlike anything he has ever felt before. It feels him up, flooding his every pore. He hadn't realized how empty he truly was until the image of the girl in front of him, of Beth, reminds him of what it is to feel.

"Daryl?"

Her voice is softer than his had been but he hears it, and feels it all the way to his core. Then her shock is melting away to joy and as a smile overtakes her face, she is propelling herself forward, launching herself into his arms. He barely has time to lower his crossbow before her body is colliding with his and she is wrapping her arms around his middle, her face pressed into his chest.

Her grip is tight and the feel of her is solid and warm against him. He stills in her arms, nervous and elated and unsure. After a moment, Daryl brings his free hand up to rest against her upper back. The hold makes his elbow stick out awkwardly and he can feel Beth's shoulder blade under his palm as he gingerly presses her closer.

She trembles in his arms and he realizes hazily that he shaking as well. Her hair tickles at his chin and he tilts his head down so that his face is half-hidden within her tresses. He lets his eyes close for a moment and just breathes her in, savoring the moment that doesn't feel entirely real.

Beth steps back a little, just enough to tilt her head up to look at him. Her eyes are shiny but her smile is wide enough that it must hurt her cheeks. He searches her face, eyes running along its curves and lines. Daryl isn't sure if he is checking for injuries or merely trying to memorize the play of bones and flesh but she is whole and unharmed in front of him and he can't look away.

He doesn't know how long he stares at her, taking in the blue of her eyes and counting every small freckle on her nose but it's Glenn's voice that breaks the silence, saying Beth's name. Daryl had been so lost in the moment he hadn't heard Glenn's approach.

A dangerous thing to do.

Beth ducks out of his arms to give her brother-in-law a hug. Daryl mourns the loss of her body more than he should. He watches Beth and Glenn, both of them laughing as they hug.

With the dreamlike shock leaving him, Daryl feels embarrassment and unease slowly creep back into his system. He lets the practical part of his mind shift back into control.

"Al'ight, touchin' as this, we need to get a move on." Standing around hugging in a dimly lit grocery store wasn't going to go well for too long. "Not gonna make it back by sundown as it is."

"Oh." Beth pulls back, seemingly remembering something. "I've gotta get back."

Daryl cocks a brow but it is Glenn who asks. "What? Where?"

Beth merely smiles at them. "C'mon, I've got a place you can stay."

* * *

><p>He takes first watch.<p>

The night is cold but quiet as Daryl sits on the porch of the farmhouse Beth had brought them to and he is grateful for the silence. He lights a cigarette from the crumpled pack he's picked up earlier today and watches the way the tip burns bright then turns ash. The events of the afternoon continue to loop inside his head.

Finding Beth, following her beat up hatchback to the worn farmhouse where she'd been staying, meeting the tall, dark-skinned man she introduced as Father Gabriel who she'd been traveling with, meeting the older couple, the Grahams, who owned the farm and their young grandsons. Everything rushes and blurs together.

The screen door opens behind him with a high creaking sound and Daryl turns to find Beth, silhouetted by the lamplight of the house.

"Mind if I join you?"

He shakes his head, moving over on the pouch step to make room for her. She smiles and steps out, sitting down next to him, not touching but close enough for him to feel her warmth.

He focuses back on his cigarette, taking a drag and holding it in a moment before letting the smoke out until into the cold night. Beth crosses her arms over her bent knees, leaning forward to rest her chin against them, watching the small forest that surrounds this place.

The silence they fall into is companionable enough, yet Daryl still feels unsettled. They haven't talked about what happened after she'd been taken from him. He isn't sure if Beth wants to discuss it or not and he isn't about to pry but he wants her to know she can, if she needs too. He'll listen even if the thought of hearing what may have happened puts his stomach in knots.

There are a hundred different questions burning within him but he asks the only one that truly matters.

"Y'okay?"

He feels stupid moments after saying it, feels a flush creeping up the back of his neck but he doesn't take the words back, just clears his throat.

She's still staring out at the trees when she answers, keeping her lips pressed together and slightly nodding her head. "M'hmm."

Her answer brings up more embarrassment within him and he focuses back on the cigarette in his hand. It's almost burned down to the filter and he takes another drag before flicking the bud and crushing it with the toe of his boot. He should never have asked, it was stupid of him. Beth had always liked to talk before but this wasn't before and there were months where they'd been apart. His muscles are clenched and all he wants is to stand and do a perimeter check to give his body something to do when Beth's voice breaks through the silence.

"I'm okay, Daryl."

She's looking at him as she answers this time and he looks back at her through his bangs. Her expression is soft yet firm, leaving no room for argument, and he knows it's meant to comfort him. He wonders if he's that transparent or it's just her, with her uncanny ability to simply know words that are able to rile or soothe him in a way no one else ever has. She continues to focus on him until he nods, just a quick jerk of his chin, then smiles briefly before turning her attention back out to the woods.

This time the silence that settles between them is peaceful. It continues on for long minutes before Beth's voice breaks it once again.

"After…" She trails off but Daryl understands what she means. After she'd been taken, after he'd _let_ her get taken. His fingers clench into a fist at the thought, his knuckles whitening. "Before I met Gabriel and we found this place. There was some time where it was just me. Must have only been a couple weeks but it felt like longer."

She trails off again, eyes far away even as she focuses on the tree line. She shakes her head slightly as if the motion will knock away any unwanted thoughts. "That whole time, it was your voice I would hear, tellin' me what to do, how to survive. All those things you taught me while it was just the two of us."

She looks at him then, eyes clear and blue in the moonlight. "I'm alive because of you Daryl Dixon."

She smiles, mouth just lightly turning up at the corners yet it reaches her eyes, making them bright. "Thank you."

Her voice is soft and so sincere it makes his gut tighten. He nearly snorts; knowing what bullshit it is for her to be thanking him when he's the one at fault for her being alone in the first place. He made a stupid mistake by opening the door that night and she had paid the price.

Beth continues to look at him though, her gaze steady and warm, until Daryl finds himself glancing away, his jaw tensing. He doesn't have the words to tell her how sorry he is, how she shouldn't thank him, and how some selfish piece of him is grateful because she doesn't even see anything to forgive, doesn't see how all that has happened to her is on him. Like so many times before he doesn't have the words. So he stays silent.

She slides over, closer to him and reaches out her hand to interlock her fingers with his. He stiffens briefly at the contact before allowing of the warmth of her skin to relax his own.

He's reminded of the last time she'd reached for his hand, in front of a grave with wildflowers lain on top of it. Her hand is small and pale within his but he feels the roughness of her palm and the strength so few seem to see. She leans foreword, resting her forehead against his arm.

He tilts his head to look down at her, face hidden in the rough material of his jeans jacket and hair lit by the moon. When she speaks again he can feel the warmth of her breath even through the thick cloth.

"I'm glad you're here."

"M'too."

He answers back without hesitation, knowing there are no truer words he can speak. They feel like gravity, keeping him grounded to the earth.

* * *

><p>It's just past midnight when Glenn relieves his watch with sleep still in his eyes. Daryl heads inside, rubbing a hand over his face. The house is dark, the only light coming from the small, dying fire in the living room.<p>

In front of the fireplace, curled up on an air mattress, is Beth. He doesn't know if she normally sleeps there or if she has moved to be closer to Glenn and him as they sleep on the couch. Daryl settled down onto the couch, turning so he could watch the way the deep shadows from the dying flames dance across Beth's face. The day's events were still catching up with him so he lay there, exhausted but unable to look away from her.

He had found her.

Daryl had never given much credence to fate or destiny, still didn't, but the fact that he had been at the right shitty Wal-Mart at the right time on the right day leaves his stomach in knots. It could have been so different and that terrifies him. All it would take is one wrong turn and he wouldn't have her back again.

Beth eyes open, blinking slowly twice before meeting his gaze. His cheeks flush as he wonders whether she just woke up or if she'd been awake all along. Her face is half hidden in the dark and Daryl has trouble making out her expression.

"I dreamed…I dreamed…" She starts but doesn't finish, her upended sentence heavy in the air.

Daryl doesn't push. He knows dreams, knows how they can unlock fears that can't be brought into words.

His arm had been hanging off the couch and Beth reaches out then, gripping his fingers with hers. He stares down at their hands until she speaks again and his eyes flicker back up to her face.

"Don't go anywhere."

Her eyes are wide and her brow is furrowed with intensity. He feels his heart clench and part of him wants to slide from the couch down onto the mattress and hold Beth close until they are both secure in each other's presence.

Instead, he promises, his voice low and steady and even. "Ain't goin' nowhere."

That seems to ease her panic because her brow is no longer pinched and she gives him a small smile. Beth closes her eyes, fingers still wrapped around his.

* * *

><p>The Graham's family elects to stay on their farm and it's a tearful goodbye. Daryl can see how hard it is for Beth when the younger of the two children clings to her as he tries not to cry and fails miserably. She makes sure to smile through it, even waves as they pull away down the long drive but once the house is out of sight and it's just them and the road she lets a few tears roll down her cheeks as well. Daryl gives her the luxury of privacy in pretending not to notice.<p>

The drive is an easy one, Beth at his side and Glenn driving the hatchback with Gabriel behind them. She puts on one of CDs she finds in the glove compartment and sings along with the songs she knows and hums to the ones she doesn't. It's so peaceful, that if not for the occasional walker that stumbles across their path, it could have been a road trip from the world before the fall.

He thinks about another life, one with simple joy rides down country roads and this girl at his side.

Daryl sneaks glances at her as she looks out the window at the passing scenery. He feels warm at the sight of her, with winter sunlight in her hair and the dark curve of her lashes against pale skin. The warmth spills and threads throughout his body, filling him up until he thinks he might burst from it.

* * *

><p>It's afternoon by the time they make it back to the orphanage.<p>

Glenn and he were already a day later than they'd planned and people are already gathering around in the yard waiting as the pull up the long drive. As Beth steps out of the car all worry is forgotten though and replaced with an awe that leaves everyone frozen.

The shock is broken by Maggie's chocked cry of Beth's name. Then the girls are running to one another, colliding together and embracing. They sob and laugh, undone as they cling to one another. Everyone is ecstatic to have Beth back and there are hugs and kisses and tears all around. Daryl stands off to one side, shifting from foot to foot and fussing with the strap to his crossbow. Pleased as he is, the sheer amount of emotions around him makes him unnerved.

Nothing, however, can prepare him for the feeling that accompanies the sight of Judith being handed to Beth.

Although he'd already told her that Judith had survived, the sight of the baby girl has Beth crying hard once more. She reaches for Judith, curving her body around the infant, pressing kisses to the round cheeks. Judith seems delighted by the attention and grins up at Beth, showing off her two new bottom teeth, freshly in, and grabbing at Beth's ponytail.

The picture they make, pretty and oddly nostalgic, sends a stab of yearning so intense through him it's nearly painful. He wants to be a part of that picture, to step in close and have both sets of those big blue eyes directed up at him. It's a longing for their smiles, their goodness, for things he refuses to put names to.

Beth looks up, searching, until she meets his gaze from his place a few yards away. The fact that she searched out for him, wants him to be a part of this moment as much as he does, has him frozen in place. He is captive to her eyes, feeling akin to a deer rooted in the beams of headlights. There are tear tracks down Beth's cheeks and her nose is red from crying but the smile she gives him could put the sun to shame with how bright it is.

Daryl stares back and, although he has had this thought before, realizes once more just how utterly screwed he really is.

* * *

><p>Daryl isn't sure what he expected past the tears and joys of reunion when he brings Beth home, back to their family. Maybe he thought things would go back to the way they were at the prison, with them barely speaking, doing their own jobs but rarely side by side. After everything they'd been through, the idea seems ridiculous. Still, some part of him thought they would revert and he can't quite figure out if he is surprised or not when they don't.<p>

In the weeks that follow Beth's homecoming, there isn't a day that goes by without at least some words being spoken between the two of them or some odd job being done together.

They work well together. They'd been a team in the weeks they had spent alone after the prison fell and that doesn't disappear.

He makes sure to see her when she is watching Judith or on laundry duty, placing himself near if she may need him. He takes her out on runs and hunting when he can, still teaching her his crossbow. He learns she has a talent for fishing and she tells him she used to do it with Shawn and Maggie back when they were children.

Perhaps what surprises him the most is how she seeks him out. Finding time to walk with him while he's on guard or sitting next to him at dinner. How she lights up, smile on her face like she's won some sort of prize when she spots him – which he ignores because the thought alone is so crazy it's not even funny. He figured with their people back, she wouldn't be half so eager to spend her time with some redneck asshole twice her age.

It makes sense to want more Beth in one's life, with her inherent goodness and light.

Him? Not so much.

He has never been anyone's choice, much less first, and the idea that he might be Beth's is a thought that unsettles him as much as it makes him blood sing.

* * *

><p>Winter begins to fade and plans of what comes next have to be discussed. Abraham is anxious to get on the road to DC, to save the damn world. Daryl doesn't have much interest in saving this world, just surviving it and protecting his people. But the orphanage was just a temporary fix and Georgia hasn't done them any favors so they decide to go along with mission.<p>

So they gather up their supplies, storing their small reserve of fuel they've been saving up in the trunks of the vehicles and set out. They'd been lucky to find an old pickup, and most of their packs and limited supplies are under a tarp in the bed. As Daryl drives it, he's reminded of the truck he'd owned when the world fell, something he hasn't thought of in ages.

It's barely a few hours into the journey when Rick stops the caravan, having found the highway they had planned on taking blocked. Having pulled out the maps, Glenn, Abraham, Rick, and him were contemplating them, looking for the next best possible route. After finding a suitable substitute that wouldn't take them too far out of the way, they fold back up the maps and Rick announces they'll be getting back on the road in ten.

Everyone is out of the vehicles, eager to stretch their limbs. Looking around, Daryl noticed Beth, standing a good hundred feet away from the group and their row of cars at the edge of the road. Not sure what she was thinking putting that much distance between them, he frowns. She was staring out into the tree line surrounding the road, clearly spotting something.

Half curious, half anxious, Daryl makes his way over to her.

Once he's close enough, she says. "Daryl, look."

She hasn't even tilted her head back to look at him so he isn't sure how she knows it even is him. Then again, she always seemed to just know.

Beth has her hand up, pointing, and Daryl follows the line of her finger. He notices a road sign, bent over and half obscured by the tall grass and pines. He makes out the words on the weathered blue sign, the scrolling cursive faded. _'Welcome to South Carolina'_ it reads, with some quote about smiling faces beside it.

Daryl doesn't know how long he stands there, just staring at the rusted sign, trying to come to grips with knot of feeling in his gut. It's such a little thing, one that should hardly matter. But he remembers being nine and having to do a report on the Sahara desert. He would read the worn book he got from the school library on the floor of the trailer while his daddy drank, wondering what it'd be like to see nothing but golden sand for miles around him. When he'd said as much, his father had just laughed and told him it would be _hot enough to sweat your balls off, you stupid boy_. He hadn't asked again.

Daryl's trace is broken when he feels the gentle pressure of Beth's hand coming around his wrist. He head snaps up at the contact to look at her. She exerts some force, tugging him until he is forced to take a step. She walks backwards, eyes fixed on him and smiling gently as if he's some forest animal about to scurry away given half a chance.

Unsure, he narrows his eyes at her but lets her do as she pleases. She stops once they are another fifty feet past the sign and keeps on smiling at him, her face bright and clear. She makes a show of firmly planting her feet on the asphalt road as she looks at him.

"You finally made it out of Georgia, Daryl Dixon."

He glances back to the sign and then to Beth again with her blue eyes and gentle smile and ponytail falling over one shoulder.

Everything is quiet within him and the only thing he can feel is the way her fingers have interwoven with his, natural, like it was the way they were always meant to be.

He smiles at her.


End file.
